What happens when motherhood cracks open the old “rules,” and relocating abroad makes it impossible to hide from what’s already been asking for your attention?
In this episode of the House of Peregrine Podcast, Mickelle Weber welcomes Vanessa Bennett; therapist, author of The Motherhood Myth, and co-host of Cheaper Than Therapy for a candid, deeply grounding conversation about partnership, power, and the brave (sometimes messy) work of building a life that actually fits.
Vanessa shares how losing their LA home to wildfires became the catalyst for a one-year move to Costa Rica. Not an escape, but a deliberate downshift: space to grieve, stabilize, and make the next decision from a more rooted place. From there, the conversation opens into the bigger landscape: the systems that shape motherhood, relationships, and identity and what it takes to consciously unlearn them while still inside real life.
A central thread is Vanessa’s framing of patriarchy, capitalism, colonialism, misogyny (and more) as dominator systems, structures built on “above/below.” And crucially: the answer isn’t simply flipping the hierarchy. It’s learning how to move toward a partnership model, where sovereignty, mutual responsibility, and love become verbs, not ideals.
Mickelle also speaks candidly about the risk many couples face when they start deconstructing: the loneliness of being “the first one” to name it, and the destabilizing reality that not all professional support is equipped for this level of inquiry. Vanessa offers a clear lens for why certain therapy models can unintentionally reinforce hierarchy and how to thoughtfully vet the help you bring into your relationship container.
In this episode
- Motherhood as a paradigm shift that forces couples to renegotiate invisible agreements
- Dominator systems vs partnership models (and why matriarchy isn’t the solution)
- Codependency vs interdependence (“if you’re good, I’m good” vs sovereign connection)
- Why the over-functioner often has to go first and how that changes the dynamic
- How some therapy can be unintentionally harmful, and what to ask when vetting a therapist
- Moving abroad as a truth-teller, the “Costa Rica divorce” effect and what it reveals
About Vanessa Bennett
Vanessa Bennett is a therapist and the author of The Motherhood Myth. She is also the co-host of the Cheaper Than Therapy podcast.
Find Vanessa at https://www.vanessabennett.com and on Instagram @vanessa.s.bennett.
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