The Calling-In Conversation Guide for Couples.

Deeper intimacy begins with braver, better dialogue—here's how.

It is simple. Choose one prompt, try it in a low-stakes moment, and notice what shifts. Curiosity over debate. Progress over perfection.

How to use

  • Before: Agree on the vibe. Is it a date? A walk in the park? A 10-minute couch chat?
  • During: One person shares; the other only mirrors. Switch.
  • After: Name one tiny action and when you’ll check back (24–72 hrs).
  • Safety: If emotions spike, pause and come back later. Curiosity over winning

Start with one prompt. Keep it short, kind, and specific. Celebrate any forward motion—calling in is a practice, not a performance.

Prompts

  1. Curiosity First
  • Try: “Before I assume—what might I be missing?”
  • Mirror: “What I hear is… Did I get that right?”
  • Tiny action: Ask one curious question before reacting this week.
  1. Name the Need
  • Try: “Right now I need reassurance/clarity/repair/time. Which fits for you?”
  • Mirror: “So the need is…”
  • Tiny action: Meet one small need in the next 48 hours.
  1. The Gentle Mirror
  • Try: “I heard X. The part I’m unsure about is Y—can you clarify?”
  • Mirror: Reflect words, not motives.
  • Tiny action: Use this mirror once in your next tense moment.
  1. Upgrade the Request
  • Try: “Instead of X, could you do Y instead?”
  • Mirror: “Y would help because…”
  • Tiny action: Test one Y for a week; revisit.
  1. Check Your Story
  • Try: “The story I’m telling myself is… Another possible story is…”
  • Mirror: “I can see how you’d read it that way.”
  • Tiny action: Name your story out loud once when triggered.
  1. Consent Check-In
  • Try: “Are you still where you want to be? If not, what would make it better?”
  • Mirror: “A small shift would be…”
  • Tiny action: Add one mid‑plan or mid‑date check‑in.
  1. Specific > Vague
  • Try: “One specific behavior that helps me feel cared for is…”
  • Mirror: “So specifically, you’d love…”
  • Tiny action: Do one specific behavior within 24 hours.
  1. Grace for Gaps
  • Try: “What might I not know about your context or history here?”
  • Mirror: “That context helps me understand…”
  • Tiny action: Ask for context before giving advice once this week.
  1. Repair Blueprint
  • Try: “After friction, I repair best with… (words/action/time). You?”
  • Mirror: “Your repair language is…”
  • Tiny action: Save your repair styles in a shared note; use next time.
  1. Boundary + Why
  • Try: “I need X because Y. Here’s what still works: Z.”
  • Mirror: “Your boundary is X, and Z is our path.”
  • Tiny action: State one soft‑edged boundary with a why.
  1. Appreciation Anchor
  • Try: “Before anything else: one thing I appreciate is…”
  • Mirror: Receive—no deflecting.
  • Tiny action: Lead with appreciation in your next request.
  1. Tiny Experiment
  • Try: “Let’s test this for 5 minutes/one day/one week and then review.”
  • Mirror: “We’ll evaluate on…”
  • Tiny action: Pick a micro‑experiment and a review time.

Have fun

Have fun, stay safe and make it your own. Consider creating a few prompts of your own.

Calling in is a gentle practice of belonging—of reminding each other, “We’re on the same side.” It’s less about winning a point and more about building a place where both of you can land. Start with one prompt tonight. Keep it light, specific, and time‑bound. Then step away. In a day or two, review what shifted: What felt easier? What still felt tender? Choose one tiny adjustment and celebrate the micro‑win.

There’s no rush to finish all these prompts. Come back when you’re ready for the next step, or circle the same prompt until it feels natural. Let the language become yours—adapt, soften, or simplify. Over time, these small, consistent invitations create a shared rhythm: more clarity, faster repair, and a deeper sense of “us.” That’s belonging in practice.

You can also explore more resources, upcoming guides, and coaching aligned with expat life and love at houseofperegrine.com.

This guide was inspired by Episode 69 of the House of Peregrine Podcast with Jessica Stahl. Listen now to go deeper.

“Love Across Cultures A Conversation Guide for International Couples” was created by House of Peregrine, in collaboration with Astrid Niels - 2025.