Your Life Looks Perfect, So Why Does It Feel Wrong? With Jordan Tarver
House Of Peregrine (00:00)
Have you ever had a moment when your life looks perfect, but it is completely the wrong life for you? Today's guest, Jordan has had that experience and lived to tell the tale. And he does it in his book, You Deserve This Shit, which we go over the story behind it, his process and where he is at now living abroad with his partner. It's a beautiful story and also gives you permission to live the life of your dreams, which you all know I love. Take a listen. Let me know what you
House Of Peregrine (00:58)
Hello everyone and welcome back to the House of Peregrine podcast. Today I have on the show Jordan Tarver, who is an international bestselling author, former Forbes lead editor, and one of today's leading thinkers on change. His work has reached more than 50,000 readers worldwide, inspired a community of nearly 300,000 people, and generated over 80 million views online. I'm really excited to talk to Jordan today about his entire vision of his life from backpacking across Europe in his early life.
now into a move to Spain which is still unfolding. Welcome to the show Jordan, I'm so excited to have you.
Jordan Tarver (01:34)
Thanks so much for having me. I'm excited to talk about all the things that we're going to get into today.
House Of Peregrine (01:40)
Well, we have a lot to cover because your first book came out, tell us your first book is You Deserve the Shit, which I really enjoyed. And I think I love bringing this type of thing to our readers because it came out a few years ago. And so we'll talk about your evolution, but it's still evergreen for people who are reinventing themselves, which inevitably happens when you move abroad. So for our community, it's very relevant, I think. And I love the tools you have in it. So my question for you
Jordan Tarver (01:47)
Hmm.
House Of Peregrine (02:09)
First of all, which is one you've never answered before, how did you decide on this title?
Jordan Tarver (02:15)
That's a great question. It actually wasn't the original title and most people don't even know the original title. So when I was first writing the book, I was in my early 20s, probably about 22, 23. I was living in Los Angeles at the time before being with my now wife. I was with a roommate and I was writing the book out of my bedroom kind of right before I would go into my nine to five job, which...
Fortunately, I was working remote as well. So was able to write in early mornings and then I would get into work. And that's kind of how I did the creative process of that book. And I always had this title idea called the Run Yourself Wild, which was the original working title. And at the time, I had just came out of a passion project called Moment To Whom It May Concern, which was technically my first book that I ever wrote, but it wasn't something that I... ⁓
put a lot of effort into marketing, getting out there, it was more of this passion project around my backpacking trip. And so I took my original journal and turned that into a book and put present day reflections into it. And that was the quote unquote first book I put out. And so I was kind of in this like really creative, like artist energy. And so Run Yourself Wild felt like it kind of complimented that first piece of work. But the intention with what is now You Deserve the Shit,
was always to treat this as like my debut self-help book. So just have a different energy behind it, a different intention that I was putting into it, and then more effort on the marketing and the things to get it out there. And so as I was in the middle of the writing process, I was just sitting there one day writing and all I heard was, deserve this shit. And I get full body chills right now saying that. And I was like, at first I was like, that's like a really...
Interesting title, you know, makes me lean in. It's like, what does that even mean? Um, it's a little bit out there. So it's a bit jarring, but then like my self doubt and also like wanting to play small and like hide myself came in and I was like, ah, no, that's like, I shouldn't title it that that's like too out there. And I think I was really afraid of the visibility that I knew it could bring me. Um, because it was a title I knew that could either stop the scroll.
or jump off the page if someone was shopping on Amazon. But it just kinda kept, it didn't leave me. It just kinda stayed in the back of my mind. Like, I didn't change the title right away, but it was just like, you deserve this shit, you deserve this shit. Just kinda kept coming back. And I still remember having a conversation with my wife, and I was like, I think I have a different title for the book. And I told her the title, You Deserve This Shit, and she like lit up, and she was like, that is like, that's the title. And then from that day moving forward,
That was the title.
House Of Peregrine (05:09)
amazing. It happens that way, right? And I think it probably, those are loaded words, all of them. So deserving ⁓ this word, at least in the US and Canada, and English speaking world is a swear word. In the Netherlands, it's not. But I think that, yeah, this is the creative process. So thanks for giving us insight into that. But
Jordan Tarver (05:28)
Hehehehe
Mm-hmm.
House Of Peregrine (05:36)
Do you think that that's part of what you wanted to do for your audience is there's sometimes this calling inside that much like your title happens and it comes in with this really healthy level of deserving but also it's a healthy deserving not an entitled deserving that you actually need to have if you're going to recreate your life.
Jordan Tarver (05:57)
Yeah, think, well there's a few things that came up when I think about the title as well. The first thing that comes up is I didn't want to create a book that felt like it was for everybody on the front end because if you just title something that's really reachable and soft and...
Yeah, I think soft is what I think of. Like it's not going to stand out. Like the world of books is a ⁓ busy world. You know, there's a lot of books and you have to do something to make it stand out. And so I always knew this is a way that I healthily become divisive in the world of books and find my people. And so I knew I could use this title as a way to connect with the people who knew that there was a life out there they deserved.
So kind of like you're saying, it's like finding the people by titling in a way that attracted them. And it has done that. It's attracted the people who believe that they deserve something more than they currently have. And the book is really about helping people on that journey to discovering what that is in their life and how to get unstuck if they're in a place of feeling stuck and how to make change and how to find their path. And so the book title was definitely, there was strategy behind.
How can I use this as an opportunity to find my people and help them?
House Of Peregrine (07:21)
Yeah. And going back to that, this was the, when you read the book, you learn about you that you took a solo trip backpacking across Europe after you graduated from university with a degree in business finance, I believe. ⁓ And then do you, have you ever thought about this as an initiation you made for yourself? Because we do kind of lack ceremony in the world, especially for that age. Do you, have you ever looked at it that way? Because that's what,
Jordan Tarver (07:36)
Mm-hmm. Yep.
House Of Peregrine (07:52)
you say in the book sparked this this book was this journey with your journal and ups and downs of backpacking.
Jordan Tarver (07:56)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah. I mean, I always like, was, there's a very clear line of who I was before this trip and who I was after. Completely different person, both internally and externally. And prior to going on this trip, was self-conscious. I wasn't the most confident version of myself. I was unsure of who I really was and what I wanted. And when I came home from the trip,
I was like in this new confidence and energy and had so much more understanding of who Jordan Tarver was at the deepest level. And I don't know what my life would have looked like had I not taken that step. And so I really do think it was an initiation into the person I was capable of becoming and really just the start of the evolution. wasn't like I came back and then it was all it's done complete. Like that was just the beginning.
House Of Peregrine (08:58)
Yeah.
Jordan Tarver (08:59)
And I
House Of Peregrine (08:59)
Yeah.
Jordan Tarver (09:00)
just think it's opened up an ever evolving journey that I'm still on today.
House Of Peregrine (09:08)
Yeah. But it put you on a different path as maybe a way of putting it. Yeah. And when you were doing that, do you think, why do you think you wanted to bring this to other people? ⁓ From a career in finance to, and I believe when you go abroad, it changes you forever. So that's why travel is so important. But this new path you were on, why do you think you felt compelled to share it with others?
Jordan Tarver (09:11)
For sure. ⁓
After realizing how much it gave me, and not even just the traveling overseas, but just the self-discovery and the exploration of who I was, and after I experienced the life that it gifted me through understanding who I was and what I wanted and what I valued, it just made sense to share that with other people. I've always been someone who...
wants to share from a place of personal experience. I want to share about the things that I know work because I've already tried them. I'm not someone who's going to give a tip or a framework or a hack if it's really not something I've used. And so I just thought it would be a really great way to reflect on my own experience and think about what are the things that I was doing to get unstuck, really find my rhythm and find my path. And how can I turn that into
a usable step-by-step framework that other people can use to achieve something similar in their life.
House Of Peregrine (10:43)
Yeah, nice. I always think one of my life purposes is to help people feel less lonely. And so it resonated with me in whatever they're doing. ⁓ And so do you think that you maybe experience things as maybe a trailblazer a little bit as someone who does things and then brings it forward for others, pays it forward for others ⁓ as you're out discovering for yourself and following your own? ⁓ You call it self awareness. ⁓
Jordan Tarver (10:49)
Mm.
Mm-hmm.
House Of Peregrine (11:14)
following your own self-awareness or as Nina Aziz just and says, self-cartography. ⁓ There's people that are made to do that, explore and then come back and tell others, explore, come back and tell others so that they can follow or learn. Do you find that as part of your life path? Does that resonate at all?
Jordan Tarver (11:19)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Yeah, I've always felt like someone who goes against the grain and doesn't follow the status quo and has healthy, rebellious energy. I want to do things my way because I know that's going to be the thing that affords me the life that I won't regret at the end of it. And so if I can go do things silly because I am called to them, whether that be through my intuition or desires or my emotions.
That's like, I know that's what I need to do. And the last thing I want to do is to play small through pleasing other people and not doing things for myself, but doing things for their approval. And having that as kind of my ethos in life has given me the motivation to seek those experiences, whether that's what other people are doing. You know, was one of the very few people, maybe only people like
front group from university who didn't go into the work force right after. I had a great degree from a really good business school in Southern California and could have easily jumped into the high paying finance job, but I just knew it wasn't meant for me. And I think having that awareness of knowing that has led me down these paths of feeling like that.
trailblazer energy, but not in the sense that I want to trailblaze so much that I lose connection with the people around me, but I want to be able to bring back things that will help them pull them forward in their life too.
House Of Peregrine (13:11)
Yeah. And so I think that what I saw in your work was this, it's an impulse that not everyone has. And this is what you encourage. So talk to us a little bit about your definition of self-awareness, because it can be defined many ways. And so I really liked how you kind of laid it out in the book, your first book. So give us a little insight into that.
Jordan Tarver (13:27)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, it'd actually be interesting to read back to the definition that I gave in the book because that was at this point maybe eight years ago that I wrote that. ⁓ But now when I think of self-awareness, it's really understanding the things that...
move me in life. Also understanding how I feel about things and how I feel currently with where I'm at. And I think there is a level of self-awareness that is both external and internal. Understanding like your internal world and your self-concept and the things that feel like make you up. But then also understanding how
that is in relation to the external world around you. So you can kind of feel like, or at least begin to understand where you find that sense of belonging, like where's the energetic match and alignment. And having that awareness of who you are, what moves you, what drives you, what triggers you in a positive way, to me is a huge unlock to...
finding that physical reality, the external world that is a match and getting into the right place.
House Of Peregrine (14:50)
Yeah, absolutely. that, for me, so just for our audience, have since, so like you said, this was eight years ago, you wrote the first book, and now you've since actually moved abroad and written a second book, which we'll talk about. But that seems to me,
Jordan Tarver (15:06)
Mm.
House Of Peregrine (15:11)
a place where sometimes people have to learn these skills after they've moved. But for you, it led to a move abroad. And so can you tell us a little bit about, you know, from writing this book, which we'll keep referring back to your first book to a move abroad. And of course, I think you got married in there. So a lot changes in eight years when you're in your 20s and 30s. But tell us that story a little bit about how this self-awareness, I like to call it self-
Jordan Tarver (15:20)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
House Of Peregrine (15:41)
cartography now, like it's a new phrase I've picked up in the last year. But that, how that led to a move abroad, especially at a time when a lot of people are leaving, leaving something they don't like, where I think I have a feeling it was different for you.
Jordan Tarver (15:56)
Yeah. So, I mean, I've, from the moment that I traveled out to Europe on my solo trip, it was meant to be a five and a half week backpacking trip. And the day before I was going to fly home, just, there was no point for me to go home. And I was single at the time. I had no job. I'd moved out of my house, but I'd really connected with these people in Barcelona in 2016 who worked at this hostel. And I asked if they had any opportunities to volunteer.
at the hostel ⁓ and they said, yeah, can you be here tomorrow? And I was like, ⁓ shit, like, yeah, I could probably do that. And so I bought a one way ticket back to Barcelona and extended the trip out to three months. And I lived in Barcelona for the rest of the time working at a hostel for just like volunteering for room. And from that moment on, I knew like I really enjoyed the European culture. I know the European culture really summarizes like a lot of places, but just at a high level, I just really enjoyed being out in Europe.
in Spain specifically. I've always had a connection with the culture and kind of being more here, ⁓ integrated into the local scene versus just being on vacation. And so I feel like when I came home, maybe like deep in my soul and in the back of my mind, I knew that wasn't, that story wasn't over. And within a couple months of being back home, I, got together with my now wife and
It had always been a shared dream of ours to live overseas. She never got to do the backpacking trip or the study abroad stuff. So she's always wanted to really come out here for a more long-term stay. And in 2015, 2016 actually, right before I graduated and went on the trip, I found out that I was eligible for Italian citizenship.
That was a very long process. We scheduled our appointments two years in advance. So I scheduled my appointment in 2016 for 2018 and we got our passports in 2019. And so once I had the Italian passport in my hand, felt like the golden ticket because now I could go anywhere in Europe and live there for as long as I wished. And so once that came into play, I knew that it was one day going to happen, but it was a matter of timing and alignment for
things like work and just life situations and all that kind of stuff to fall into place. My wife and I got married in 2023 and living a very happy life in Seattle. We grew up in California, moved to Seattle in 2020, had been there for four years and just like loved life back in Washington state. But we both had this dream knocking on our door and we knew
that if we didn't answer it, we would one day later regret the fact that we didn't do it because it was something we wanted to do at least for some portion of it before having a family. We wanted to be in our early thirties, not much responsibility, kind of traveling around being a little more nomadic. And so once we realized that was going to be a regret, was like game on. And like within a few months we were having a garage sale selling just about everything we owned.
packed up all our stuff into the rest of the stuff in storage, moved down to California for the holidays, and then came out to Europe this past February and started our journey in Spain and now lived in four different countries in the last 10 months. And it's just been an incredible journey. Now looking back, like I just felt like, or I do feel like the story wasn't over when I decided to come home from my solo trip.
House Of Peregrine (19:40)
Yeah, it is incredible. And our audience knows, but I'll tell you that was kind of our, my husband and I moved here with our three little kids now nine years ago, but it was a very similar process where he was building companies, I was building companies, and then we just realized that we needed to go. Like there was no explanation. It was just kind of like, oh, it's time to go
And that process happened within a few months. He took his entire company remote in 2016 when this wasn't a thing. we had been kind of digital nomads before it was a thing in the early 2000s. And that never leaves you that what we wanted to give our kids, which was partially another language. wanted to give them, it didn't matter which language, but that was kind of our guiding light. And we knew we wanted it to be a goal.
We had so many goals and building companies was one, being close to family was another. And so we were people of a lot of passions. so that putting those in order and doing them kind of in your life order is something that I'm trying to encourage people to do to be more intentional, which I know you talk a lot about as well. But how I think that process that you created for your first book
Jordan Tarver (20:38)
Mm-hmm.
House Of Peregrine (20:56)
helped you to do that, to then make the decision to move at the right time and kind of create that reality that would support that. And now you're in another phase. And as I always like to say, when you're living abroad, you're always becoming. You're learning the cult of your own culture. You're learning another language. You're learning deep things about yourself that you wouldn't have learned otherwise.
If you're partnered, you're learning things about your partner who's also evolving in wild and new ways. It doesn't always have to be scandalous, but they're just things that happen that you can't predict. And so how has your process evolved if it has over the last almost decade? What additional insights do you have as you're now in a new state of becoming?
Jordan Tarver (21:29)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, I love that you frame it as becoming because I do have the belief that we are just naturally evolving all the time, whether we realize it or not. And I really love to look at this world of change through the lens of not trying to fix ourselves, but to notice what wants to emerge. And that is something that I've really embraced in this new chapter of living abroad and it's
I think heightened it a lot for me just because I'm in a huge journey of change right now. Yeah, mean, well, we moved overseas in February, which you don't expect, you don't even understand when you do that what you're actually doing. it's just like, you see it at face value of like, I'm But it takes you on a journey.
House Of Peregrine (22:18)
Yeah, tell us about it if you want to.
Yeah. Yep.
Jordan Tarver (22:40)
Three months after that, I decided to quit my corporate job and go all in on books and speaking. And so to have that layered on top recreating a life, is an aligned change because that also was going to recreate what work looked like in my life and how I identify with my work and things like that. But it just brought up this supercharged transformation that I've been on and really uncovering what it is that I want to do.
and how I want to spend my time at this point in my life. And I think it's always important remember that what you may have liked at one point or the things that may have gave you passion or the things that gave you purpose will absolutely change. Like we're changing beings and it's really crucial to check in with ourselves often and say, okay, what do want now?
What is the line now? And this journey of reinventing my entire life through the place I live and the place I work has really allowed me to take some moments of honesty and asking myself like, what do I want? What do I want my experience to look like? And also what's trying to emerge? Like what are the things that want to naturally come through in my work, in my personal life that maybe I've
disregarded because of self-doubt or fear or plain small to feel safe. But just really taking this as a moment to ask myself, what is trying to emerge and can I honor those things in order to become who I'm capable of being?
House Of Peregrine (24:16)
Yeah. And in my experience, at least there are some people who are better at subduing those calls than others. And so for me, that's what leadership looks like is I actually can't not follow these calls or else they kind of destroy me, which is a little bit of a creative personality. And maybe you have that too, where it's kind of like, yeah, I'd love to just stick around and live in the same house and do the same things, but that's not what's trying to emerge.
Jordan Tarver (24:34)
Hmm.
House Of Peregrine (24:44)
And actually what's trying to emerge is kind of not leaving me any choice, if that makes sense. I always say, I would love to be one of those people that lives in the same place, because I grew up in Salt Lake City, it's gorgeous there. A family around, but it just, that's not what wanted to emerge. And so that trust in what you call, I believe in your first book, your life's purpose, I think that's how you framed it.
Jordan Tarver (24:48)
Mm-hmm. Yeah, totally.
Mm-hmm.
In what context?
House Of Peregrine (25:08)
⁓
Well, you have purpose, passion and potential. So you've kind of laid them out. And so you say the purpose is the reason you get out of bed, you're offering to the world, your passion is what gives you your life meaning that you can deliver your offering to the world. No, what gives your life a medium that you can deliver your offering to the world. And your potential is the capacity that you give yourself to achieve, ⁓ which I thought was really interesting that it is self dispensed. ⁓
Jordan Tarver (25:12)
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, yeah.
House Of Peregrine (25:38)
And so when you allow your purpose, passion and potential to emerge, you kind of described it when you were naming your book. can feel like I describe it kind of like death, but you describe it as kind of like fear or this voice in your head that tells you, you can't do that. How do you experience that, especially in this recent evolution you've been having?
You've quit a high profile job. You've moved countries. You've kind of rearranged your life again.
Jordan Tarver (26:13)
⁓ Well, when you frame it like that, it's like, what did I do? Did I do the right thing? But I know, was like, whoa, I've never actually, I definitely, I'm human and I tend to downplay a lot of things I've done in my career and work. And sometimes I don't look at the things the same way other people may look at what it says on paper. But sometimes I really think about when I look back and...
House Of Peregrine (26:16)
Well, no, that's, well, you did do that. That's.
Jordan Tarver (26:41)
what I've done and what I've changed. like, wow, is that real? know, does that happen? ⁓ And it's just interesting to, I'm kind of lost in that thought right now, so you might need to bring me back with the question, but it's interesting to think about the changes when you look back at them.
House Of Peregrine (27:02)
Yeah, what it reminds me of is following your instincts. So when you're following your instincts, you're not looking at a map or you're not looking at others, you're not looking around, you're kind of just focused on the path ahead, what your impressions are, what you're experiencing and relying more on that. And that occurs to me what you're encouraging people to do, not ditch everything, not leave everything. Sure, if that's your path, but when you really tune in to your instincts,
Jordan Tarver (27:12)
Mm-hmm.
Yes.
Yep.
House Of Peregrine (27:32)
your inner desire and what's trying to emerge, kind of things fall away like this and you end up doing kind of incredible things. That's been my experience. And then you look back and think, well, it just what made sense.
Jordan Tarver (27:40)
Yeah-
Right, yeah. Yeah, I think instincts are really, really key when it comes to becoming who you want to be, evolving into who you're capable of evolving into or living the life that you want to live. I have this belief that ⁓ change itself is an energy. It's an act of energy that is running through our life at all times. And I kind of imagine it like ⁓ a river just beneath the surface, or like you can see it as an undercurrent.
And it's always available there for us to dip into and co-create with it. I think a lot of people think life happens to them or that it is all on them to create their life. And I just don't believe that's true. I believe it's actually an act of co-creation and we're in relationship to this energy of change. And the way that you begin to access that undercurrent is you start to listen to those callings, which come through, I mentioned earlier with my stuff, but come through your intuition.
House Of Peregrine (28:21)
Yep, it's not.
Jordan Tarver (28:41)
So you have those pulls that you just can't deny. Whether it's a gut feeling or if it's something in your mind or it's a voice you hear, that's like the intuitive calling. You have your desires, which are the things that you just know you wanna do. And then you have your emotions, which typically show up in uncomfortable emotions as tension. Things that create friction of like, something needs to shift to relieve this pressure in my life.
And then the one that most people don't like is surprises. So you have the surprises and the unexpected things that happen. And I believe those unexpected events, even if they're perceived bad, are callings in themselves. Those are, those are callings because they're calling on us to ask, what is this unexpected event asking of me to become? What does it want me to shift and change about my life? And if we can connect with those four things and use those as points that we can tune into to understand the things that want to emerge.
That's really how we pinpoint where we're trying to be pulled by the universe. And I think one of the most important parts of all of that though, is you do have to realize and recognize where you are in your life with the current situation. And you know, when you're in your early 20s, it's really easy to just go and drop everything and go. But when you're in your 30s and you have a family and maybe you're taking care of,
aging parents, your decisions impact the people around you in different ways. And it's not as easy to just pull the cord and go. And so what I always like to encourage people to do is to really look at your situation and see change as a dial that you can turn to the degree that you're capable of that won't have a negative impact on the things that mean something to you.
And so you can turn that dial from zero to 10, all you want. And that gives people this sense of agency and control of how much they can actually change their life. Because not everyone can just move away. Not everyone can just hit the reset button. And I think it's important.
House Of Peregrine (30:54)
Nor is everyone supposed
to. Like, nor is everyone supposed to. Like that's, it may not be part of your path. And that's why it takes all types in the world.
Jordan Tarver (30:56)
Absolutely.
Yeah,
yeah, and just think when we think about making these changes in our life and trying to connect with what wants to emerge, like remember the dial in that you can turn it to where it works for your situation. And that is the most important part about change.
House Of Peregrine (31:18)
Yeah. And it occurs to me that some people, at least in my own life, to make the personal evolutions and relationship evolutions actually that I needed to make, I actually had to do it in more isolation. I'm not sure I could have become the person I wanted to be or needed to become while living in my hometown. That was not, that was something that was obvious from when I was a really little kid.
Jordan Tarver (31:40)
Mm-hmm.
House Of Peregrine (31:45)
but I just kept thinking, ⁓ you're selfish, you're ungrateful, and then it just became not a choice. And so do you think that that's part of your process a little bit? So you're coming towards a life you love in Europe and maybe reevaluating how and why you're doing what you're doing, but is being in unfamiliar places part of your adding to that process in some way? Because we know in vision quests, in other traditions, and again, I'm going back to these
potential comings of age processes that we're creating for ourselves that I'm really interested in that help you evolve. ⁓ Do you find that that's part of your process, being kind of away from everything you know and learning by reflecting what's coming to you through these unfamiliar places?
Jordan Tarver (32:35)
I definitely think it accelerates it. You you do have to create the conditions for change and transformation. And putting yourself in an unfamiliar whether that be a city that you're living in or a friend group that you're a part of or an event that you're going to, is going to accelerate your transformation because it's gonna challenge you more.
because you have less safety and security. And so I believe you could make, you can change in the comfort of your hometown, but I found in my own experience, it seems to accelerate the process when I'm somewhere unfamiliar. But at the same time, before I went to Europe, I lived in Seattle for four years and it was one of the...
most incredible chapters of my life. I mean, we started a new life in Seattle, proposed to my girlfriend and now wife. We got married in that same chapter and there was so much becoming in that chapter as well. And I was somewhere very comfortable, but it was, was, there were conditions that were created because we moved. still, we still went somewhere outside our comfort zone, but we found comfort there quickly.
House Of Peregrine (33:46)
Yeah. Yeah.
Jordan Tarver (33:57)
And found a life there, but would say looking back, if I'm just comparing those four years to these 10 months abroad, it's wild. Like how much I've been evolving and becoming and how many things I've been called to. Like I'm, I'm curious to, we're going to go home to the States for the first time for a visit, April of 26, which will be over a year since we've been home. And I'm just, I'm.
I'm really curious to see, don't know how I feel around old parts that I used to walk and the people and my friends and do they notice anything different? Because it's like, I've evolved and changed, but that's just, that's me. That's who I know I am now. And so I'm not, I'm not interacting with people from the past chapter, because we're out here. And so when I meet new people, I'm meeting them as my new self.
House Of Peregrine (34:40)
Yeah. Yeah.
Jordan Tarver (34:52)
So I'm really curious just to see what does it feel like when I go home? And also do people go, whoa, you've changed a lot. And it's like, yeah. I wrote something a long time ago. It's like, I hope the next time I see my friends, they say, wow, you've really changed. And that's how I want to live my life. I don't want to stay the same.
House Of Peregrine (35:00)
your energy.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah,
but it occurs to me and this is what I've experienced. And also my husband who grew up as an Air Force kind of brat, he would always say, it's not that I don't miss the people that I was growing up with, but every time I moved, I got to choose who I became. And so I could try out different things and it was the constraints of staying in one place that made him feel like he couldn't grow.
Jordan Tarver (35:32)
Mm-hmm.
House Of Peregrine (35:40)
And so the people around you sometimes want you to stay the same or need you to stay the same. And if you're someone who is on a mission of some sort or is wanting to let things emerge, in my experience, that can become kind of confronting for people who are not on that journey, if that makes sense.
Jordan Tarver (35:40)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
For sure.
Yeah. mean, fortunately for me, I have a wonderful group of friends back home and have been friends with them for over a decade now. They were all at my wedding and still talk to them often. You those are like my people and have a very great relationship with them. And I don't have any, never had any doubts or fears about them holding me back. Just because I also know that I've surrounded myself with a lot of go-getters and people who are here to pave their path as well. And I think they're
support over the years has given me the encouragement to be like, like doing these things is right for me. And so it is very crucial to become aware of the container of your community because it is defining for you because you are going pick up on the behaviors of those people and adopt those behaviors and adopt their mindsets and adopt their beliefs. if you really ask yourself, maybe those aren't the beliefs or behaviors that you want. And that's actually the thing keeping you small and one of the hardest parts.
about that journey is accepting that the right thing is to move forward from them. And I've been fortunate in my life to not have to feel that way with my friends, but I know that is a big part of that journey.
House Of Peregrine (37:07)
Yeah, and we say that's why it's called House of Peregrine. So Peregrines exist on every continent of the world, but the word means outsider. And so that feeling you're describing of going back home can sometimes be a relief. ⁓ can be feel, it's a very complex experience usually, no matter how you feel about the people or the place you left, because you've changed so much. now, home is never one place again.
Jordan Tarver (37:15)
Mmm.
House Of Peregrine (37:34)
So you're starting to build the home within, which is again a reference to Nina, Nina's work. the, yeah, that journey is super important. And it seems to me, so tell me about your second book, the workbook and the book. ⁓ Is that a little bit what you cover in that for people?
Jordan Tarver (37:46)
Yeah.
No, the second book I put out was called Pursuit of Purpose and it shares a proven system to find your purpose and live with confidence, direction, and meaning. And so that was a book that was also birthed through returning home from my first trip because I came home and I put out this book, You Deserve This Shit, which was really all about the things I did on my trip to go on this journey of self-discovery.
House Of Peregrine (38:14)
Mm-hmm.
Jordan Tarver (38:14)
And then
once I came home, it was like, whoa, I'm like seeing life in a new way that I can never unsee. I just like, can't, yeah, just like, wow, like I'm just looking at my reality different. And I realized one of the things that was missing, like one of the key pieces of information in my life was like, what is my purpose? Like, what am I here to do? And I struggled with that for two or three years after coming home of like, what lights me up?
House Of Peregrine (38:19)
Yeah, paradigm shift.
Jordan Tarver (38:42)
what makes me feel like I'm serving the people around me. Because I went to the finance world and very quickly knew that I was not meant for a financial job. Even though the paycheck was nice and it was, the bank account was always overflowing, but my heart and soul wasn't. And I knew from the day of stepping into the office for the first time that I needed to find something that meant something more to me because the work I was doing wasn't aligning with what I know I came here to serve.
And that's when I went on this journey of figuring out, how the heck do I find a purpose? Like, how do I know what's meant for me? And it was a lot of moments of frustration and confusion and lots of self-questioning and trying to figure out what that was. And once I figured what my purpose was at the time, I was like, well, I need to put this into a process for other people because I'm seeing how much direction it's giving my life. And I've always viewed purpose as your internal compass. And it's the thing that
shows you what you need to do every day to feel fulfilled, to feel like you're in a place of meaning and serving the people around you. And I think one thing to note too about that is your purpose isn't your job, it's not what you do. And I think that's a big confusion that people have. It's like, my purpose, for example, my purpose is not to be a writer. Absolutely not. That's right now how I express my purpose and truth into the world.
My purpose really is to empower other people to become the best version of themselves. And so one of the ways that I can do that, writing is one way, but also having a really deep conversation with someone that I meet is also another way for me to express that purpose. And so just wanna, I wanna kind of like level set that of like your purpose isn't the what, it's the why. And...
House Of Peregrine (40:29)
That
is a really hard thing to explain to people actually, because that's how I feel about a lot of what I do at House of Peregrine. My entire life goal is not to become a podcaster, but it is an incredible way to express and get across what I want to. so that's actually, especially maybe for Americans, I don't know. That's a big journey actually into that distinction.
Jordan Tarver (40:42)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Totally.
Yeah, I mean, well,
in the States, we identify with what we do for work. The first question is, what do do for work when you meet someone? ⁓ Right, it's not how people wear it out here around Europe that I found at least. It's part of them, but it's not the point of who they are. Once I understood this idea of purpose and how it could serve in my life, and I saw it starting to make my relationships better.
House Of Peregrine (41:00)
Yeah, it's your identity. Yep.
Jordan Tarver (41:21)
I saw it starting to make my work better. I saw it starting to make how I felt for myself and the belonging that I felt because I felt like I was on this path of something that felt so sacred to me. I created Pursuit of Purpose, which is a book and a workbook. so the book takes you through the four phases of finding your purpose and then the workbook puts all that stuff into practice into very simple daily exercises that takes you through a 30 day plan.
so you don't have to figure out how to do it on your own. Because I know a lot of the things that I experienced in my journey was like, what the hell do I do? How do I figure it out? What do I do? Yeah. And I just really wanted it to make, I think because it's, I understand how crucial it is to understand that sense of purpose in your life. I didn't want it to be a guessing game for people. And I just wanted to be like.
House Of Peregrine (41:54)
Yeah, in the dark you're kind of like, yeah.
Jordan Tarver (42:13)
Here are the exact exercises that I used and the exact process that I went through to uncover this piece of clarity. And it's an incredibly powerful book and workbook. And I'm really proud of ⁓ kind of what came from my experience. And I'm excited to kind of start getting out into the world. It's ⁓ new as of this year. And I just had some really incredible conversations with people who have gone through it. And I know
there's just so many people that can benefit from it. So I'm excited for it to find the people that it's been defined.
House Of Peregrine (42:44)
Yeah, and I'm especially excited to bring both of these to our audience because you've alluded to it a couple of times, but there's multiple chapters in your life. Graduating from university is one of them, but we always say at House of Peregrine, like you get additional life chapters in your life. Every transition you go through in different countries or different phases. And so there's no real roadmap for how to continue to become if you've moved countries.
Jordan Tarver (43:01)
Hmm.
House Of Peregrine (43:13)
And so having these frameworks and the knowledge that others are going through it is part of my life's purpose is bringing these creations to people so they feel less alone and actually they can express what they need to in life. ⁓ Because we all know that just the admin of international life can take all your life force energy. And so we don't need to be scrambling around in the dark as well on that. And so your work is really, I think evergreen for this process because
Jordan Tarver (43:19)
Hmm.
Yeah.
House Of Peregrine (43:43)
No one tells you that you're going to be on an extreme life. I don't know, not upgrade, but you're you're in hyper growth when you're living abroad, no matter how long you're there. And so I love that.
Jordan Tarver (43:54)
For sure, totally. Yeah, and that's like,
well, I appreciate you saying that. And that's really my goal with the work that I put out is how can we simplify these things for people and make it doable and give them a sense of support through it so they do feel less alone? Because it could be a lot to figure out on your own and it could be overwhelming that you never want to figure it out. But with the right tools and frameworks, I think it just makes the process a little bit less stressful and overwhelming. And that's really my goal, if I could give people ⁓ just a little bit of that support.
That's gonna make me happy.
House Of Peregrine (44:25)
Yeah, and no one ever tells you you have to unbecome to become something new. And so there's that little bit of grief that can come with whether you're leaving a country, a relationship, a job. ⁓ How have you experienced that in your last, the most recent transition you're going through? It's exciting, it's amazing, but when you're in the thick of it, there's a lot of grief. There's a lot of, like you said, what the fuck is going on with me and what the fuck did I do?
Jordan Tarver (44:29)
⁓ Totally. Yeah.
Yeah, I think the biggest thing that was hardest for me to let go was just the rhythm of life. It's so different in the States compared to Europe and work, daily life, culture, like all of it, just the speed of life, the rhythm is so different and it can cause so much friction to try to force your American ways into the European culture because it simply just doesn't operate in that way. And being someone who was like waking up early, going to the gym, starting to work early, me trying to place that into here just didn't work.
And it's taken, I would say it took about six months to get any, to get to any reasonable level of acceptance to be able to move forward and accept that like life just doesn't work that way out here. And that's okay. You know, that's just, that's, that's okay. Um, and so it was, it was, it was hard for me to let go of that because I had so much comfort and insecurity in my previous rhythm. Um, but like kind of
House Of Peregrine (45:44)
And that's so interesting,
because a lot of Americans leave the US to embrace that rhythm. that was your, no one told me this moment, like, wait, I can't just keep my schedule.
Jordan Tarver (45:49)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, well, think,
yeah, as an entrepreneur, like I just in a go getter with a lot of ⁓ aspirations of things I want to do in this world. I didn't want to slow down because I didn't want I started to believe that if I slow down, then I'm falling behind. And I've really enjoyed super American. ⁓ I am one.
House Of Peregrine (46:18)
Yeah, that's very American.
Jordan Tarver (46:24)
⁓ and it's, it's been really a beautiful journey though, to embrace this new rhythm. And I'm excited for whatever happens in our future, whether we stay here long-term or we go back to the States, just to, to bring pieces of this experience into other areas of my life. And just happy that there's, there's things that I didn't know existed or ways you could live that are still just as good or if not better.
And so been really nice, even though hard, to move through that kind of letting go and grieving period, but to get on the other side of really embodying ⁓ the new things I wanted to come through.
House Of Peregrine (46:53)
Yeah.
Yeah. And what's emerging in yourself because that's the real change. Spain's not going to change that much. It's you that's changing. I want to talk a little bit about your process with your wife and how you're... Because when one person's growing this much, you're both growing this much and you're newlyweds. that's also... mean, you've been married two years, you said. We've been married 15 years, I think we moved here, 10 years, 12 years.
Jordan Tarver (47:09)
Yeah.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
wow.
House Of Peregrine (47:32)
And the divorce rate among internationals is astronomical. it's a huge, ⁓ because you're changing so much the change we're discussing, ⁓ that tends to lead to people growing apart if they don't grow together. And so I'm curious what your process has been. I know you guys do a lot of things together, like professionally, ⁓ but tell me how that's been for you. I'm always very curious, especially
Jordan Tarver (47:56)
Yeah.
House Of Peregrine (48:00)
since you're kind of not at the beginning, but you're also not really dug in. How has that been for you guys, if you don't mind me asking?
Jordan Tarver (48:04)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, it's been awesome. We're both definitely on our own change journeys in the sense that we're experiencing different things. This journey is bringing up what we're both meant to experience so we can evolve into what we're supposed to become for this next chapter of our life, especially as we move into a chapter of wanting to start a family. We've always just been super in sync, which is why we're married. ⁓
House Of Peregrine (48:35)
It's not always that way.
Jordan Tarver (48:37)
We, we've
just always had a lot of shared values and beliefs and dreams and visions. And that's why these decisions is like in life have been easier because we've both been on the same frequency for it. wasn't like, I want to go, but I don't want to go. And it's just like this tug of war. ⁓ it's always kind of been this flow and we've known each other for 13 years. We have a lot of friendship history before we were together. We've been together for almost nine years. So we were friends for four years before, ⁓
being in any sort of romantic relationship. And so we've had a really strong foundation of knowing each other on a friendship level as well, which has been super helpful in our entire journey, not just this journey. And just having that like true care and each other's best interests in mind and ⁓ knowing that we're both going through different things and just being able to support each other through those things has been really helpful because it can be really lonely if you're going through this and you don't have ⁓
support whether it be a partner or just a friend group or a community, know, that stuff is so important when you're going through a lot of change and transformation because you can have trusted people that you can express yourself to without feeling shame or feeling guilt for going through these things or you know, think a lot of times people they move here and they don't want to say that things aren't going to plan or they're hard because outside looking and it's like well you're living in Europe isn't like vacation. It's like well, no, it's life. It's life. It's not vacation. It is life.
House Of Peregrine (49:59)
Yeah, no,
it's no longer vacation, it's life with a view.
Jordan Tarver (50:02)
⁓
Yeah,
so it's nice to have that support and it's been really a beautiful experience for both of us because we're just so in rhythm and sync with each other of what we're building toward. And then also creatively and professionally, we do a lot of ⁓ things together, which is just fun to have someone under the same roof where we're both ⁓ working toward a mission.
House Of Peregrine (50:24)
Right.
Yeah. And so you're both really dedicated to each other's growth, which I think is sometimes there's one who's really dedicated to growth and the other who's dedicated to keeping things the same for safety. that that can cause or people have come for one person's career and the other has put theirs on hold or one is contributing heavily towards a family. So you guys are at this phase where you're a little bit able to stay and that that's
Jordan Tarver (50:31)
Absolutely.
Mm-hmm.
House Of Peregrine (50:53)
That conversation of how you want to change is another way that I think your work can help people to move intentionally. If they're starting a family, if they're going to move for someone's career, why do you even want to move? Because right now it's really popular, at least with Americans, to leave the country. And so if you're going for that trend, you're going to be a little bit surprised. But again, if you're moving for your values and towards something
Jordan Tarver (51:02)
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
House Of Peregrine (51:23)
as a couple and as a family, I think these exercises could be useful to do as a couple. ⁓ Even if one of you is not dedicated to growth or is afraid of this is kind of an approachable framework, I think, even if you're not into self-help or if you don't consider yourself someone who would maybe do these journal, for instance, you have a really great ⁓ suggestion about journaling, which is like rule number one is, and rule number two is,
Jordan Tarver (51:30)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
House Of Peregrine (51:53)
But those are really easy to follow, right? So tell us rule number one and rule number two, just really quick.
Jordan Tarver (51:59)
I mean, I can't remember off top of my head exactly a part of the book, but to me, rule number one is to get a journal first off.
House Of Peregrine (52:09)
Yeah,
get a journal, like you said, vomit your words or something, vomit onto the page. Rule number two is don't break rule number one or something like this.
Jordan Tarver (52:13)
Yeah.
Yeah,
so verbal vomit is a really great way to start drilling where there's no rules. just express yourself. Bad grammar, misspelling, all of it.
House Of Peregrine (52:24)
Yeah.
Yeah. Because you might be the kind of person who's never had a journal before because your life was kind of laid out before you. But if you're living abroad, you one way or another change is coming for you. And so this might be the first time someone's picking up a journal or a journaling habit. ⁓ And so I love how you make things accessible to even people who are just, aren't aren't people who find the need for growth to navigate growth.
Jordan Tarver (52:35)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
House Of Peregrine (52:52)
And so that's really, really cool. Well, I'm excited you guys are on the same page. That's really, yeah, and it's a fun phase that you're in. And so you said you had been, as we wrap up, to four different countries. Is there, I think you said you've lived in four different countries since you moved abroad this time?
Jordan Tarver (52:54)
Thank you. Yeah, it's been a fun one.
Yeah,
mean, the summer live traveling through whatever you want to call it, but we'd been like nomadic for the summer because you're better. Yeah, I think that's a better way to put it. But I would say we spent six months in Spain and we'll be here in Florence for the next six months in ⁓ Portugal, France. And yeah, I think that was it right there.
House Of Peregrine (53:17)
Yeah, experienced.
Yeah, nice. And so are you applying for your what your the book you're writing now is that tell tell us a little bit about that.
Jordan Tarver (53:42)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, so I mean, I've talked actually, there's been themes of it through this conversation, but it is about change and it's about how we can align with the rhythm of our transformation and co-create with this constant unseen energy that's already running through our life to become who we're meant to be right on time. And so it's this understanding of the deeper invisible ⁓ mechanics and energy of change so that we can use it as an opportunity to evolve, become, emerge and not
see it as something we need to fight or avoid. so these, right, it's this idea of like how can, we just need to integrate with it already. It's not changing and it's not going away. And the more we resist the change, the harder we make it on ourselves. And so this book is about, it's a fundamentally different approach to thinking about change in a way that we can be in relation with it.
House Of Peregrine (54:17)
Yeah, fight, avoid, run away from.
Mm.
Jordan Tarver (54:43)
and live with it in a healthy way. that probably won't be out until 2027 realistically, but it's the future of my work and it's the seed of a big world that I'm building. ⁓ And it's definitely the writing that I'm most proud of.
House Of Peregrine (55:01)
Yeah, make friends with the sea of change. ⁓ What does your life look like as a final question in 10 years? You don't have to say where you'll be living, but what is the vision you're building towards? You don't have to be very specific.
Jordan Tarver (55:05)
Yeah.
Oof.
⁓
Yeah, the dream's a healthy, happy family with some kids in the picture and zero clue where we're going to live. We actually have that conversation every day basically because our families are also scattered. Our parents are in California. have a sister in Australia. I have a brother in Texas. I have another brother in Los Angeles. ⁓ Brother-in-law's in
in California, we're in Washington. So there's no central place anymore. It doesn't work that way. I'm the youngest of four as well. So there's a lot of people in motion right now and it's just all up in the air for us. So I would just say healthy, happy family with kids ⁓ doing meaningful work in a way that's impacting the world at large scale.
House Of Peregrine (56:04)
Yep. And that's the thought I would like to leave people with. And I think your work brings about, if not explicitly, implicitly, is that it's actually a selfish act to keep these things to yourself. Because when you're living your purpose and when you're doing what you're meant to do, no matter which path it is, it actually influences the world for the better. ⁓ And so at least in my work, it's
Jordan Tarver (56:27)
Mm-hmm.
House Of Peregrine (56:31)
a little bit selfish to not go on this journey even if you're scared. And even if you end up living in your same hometown, it's not about where, it's about how you're intentionally living your life. And so I really love that your work brings this about and helps people with the actual how. these ideas can be very lofty and without the why or the how, it feels very overwhelming or can feel very overwhelming.
Jordan Tarver (56:39)
Mm-hmm.
Thank you for saying that.
Mm-hmm.
House Of Peregrine (56:58)
And so congratulations on your work and I can't wait to see what's coming out next. Maybe you can come back on, yeah, then. And yeah, where can people reach you? Where should people find you?
Jordan Tarver (57:01)
Thank you. I appreciate it.
I'm on Instagram and TikTok at Jordan Tarver. And then my wife and I have ⁓ a joint account where we share a lot about our move living abroad. And that is Nicole and Jordan also on Instagram and TikTok.
House Of Peregrine (57:23)
Nice, okay. You can find them there. And for everyone listening, thank you so much for joining us today. I really appreciate it. Please find us on wherever you listen to podcasts and like and give us a review if you feel like it. It really helps us out. Thanks again for joining us and we'll see you next time.