Living abroad doesn’t just change your address, it changes your identity, your nervous system, your community, and the roles you’ve played inside your relationship. In this episode, Mickelle sits down with Victoria Onken of VictoriaOnken.com, an Amsterdam-based relationship coach, to explore ethical non‑monogamy with nuance, steadiness, and humanity.

Victoria’s core message is both grounding and clarifying: “I want an open relationship” is an opening sentence, not a conclusion. For many couples, the desire to “open” is actually a signal that something deeper wants attention: disconnection, unspoken needs, a craving for novelty, or simply the realization that you’re not the same people you were five—or fifteen—years ago.

Together, Mickelle and Victoria unpack why ethical non‑monogamy isn’t a shortcut around intimacy. If anything, it’s a path that demands more communication, more emotional regulation, and more shared responsibility. It can’t stabilize a shaky relationship—opening tends to magnify what’s already there. But when a couple has trust, skills, and shared intent, “openness” can become a powerful practice: not just toward other people, but toward each other.

They also explore a reframe that’s quietly revolutionary: an “open relationship” can also mean openness as a lifestyle—the willingness to stay curious about your partner’s inner world and your own evolving desires. In Victoria’s work, sustainability isn’t about staying together at all costs; it’s about sustaining love, vitality, and connection without losing yourselves in the process.

In this episode

• Ethical non‑monogamy = consent + clear agreements (not secrecy, not cheating)
• Why opening a shaky relationship magnifies issues rather than fixing them
• The practical “safety protocol”: role‑playing scenarios + specific agreements
• Jealousy as data: uncover the need beneath the reaction (instead of policing behavior)
• “Open” as a relational skill: sustainable love, vitality, and honesty over mere longevity
• Navigating kids, community, and visibility with stability and care—because you don’t live in a bubble

About the guest

Victoria Onken is a relationship coach based in Amsterdam, supporting individuals and couples in building more sustainable, honest, and connected relationships—whether that includes ethical non‑monogamy or simply deeper openness.

• Website: https://victoriaonken.com
• Instagram: @v.onken

Listen + stay connected

 If this conversation sparked something—curiosity, discomfort, longing, or clarity—share this episode with a partner or friend, and start with one brave question: “What do you need more of in this season of life?” Then, subscribe to the podcast so you don’t miss what’s next.